


We Learn, We Love

by friedlieb_ferdinand_runge



Series: Sander SIdes One-Shots [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Family Bonding, Gen, I Just Really Love Logan Okay, Trouble with Feelings, YES EVEN YOU LOGAN, everybody loves patton, feeling in general, i guess lol, not even love just, roman tries his hardest, virgil is a pretty good dude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 19:24:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18901075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedlieb_ferdinand_runge/pseuds/friedlieb_ferdinand_runge
Summary: Logan has trouble with feeling.





	We Learn, We Love

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure how coherent this is, but I felt like writing something that addresses at least some of Logan’s issues surrounding feelings. I hope you like it!

“You’re my best friend Logan!”

That’s how it started. Just Patton being Patton. Bright and happy as always. At the time, they’d been making cupcakes. Or rather, Patton was making cupcakes, Roman and Virgil were in a decorating competition, and Logan was sitting at the counter, watching them with the smallest of smiles.

Patton had left the room to find sprinkles, running back in five minutes later with a panicked look and a yell that made Virgil jump out of his seat, “The cupcakes!”

“No need to be loud and startle Virgil, Patton,” Logan had said calmly, “I took them out when the suggested amount of time they were to be left in was up.”

Patton put his hands on the sides of his face, a smile growing as his eyes lit up. And then he’d said it. Simple words that weren’t uncommon coming from the shining Morality.

“I have made a fatal mistake!” Roman had announced, interrupting the moment and throwing his hands up, flicking Virgil in the face with frosting in the process. He stared down at his cupcake in horror, the dragon he’d been attempting to draw looking squished and messy.

The youngest had sighed dejectedly, moving his hand to wipe away the frosting off his cheek, “Yeah,” he’d said simply, “Looks like your dragon got slayed Princey.”

“Stuff it Doctor Doom.”

“How original.”

Patton stepped in, waving his hands, “Come on guys! Don’t fight! Your dragon looks awesome, kiddo! You could even say it’s roaring,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows, “don’t you think, bestest friend in the world?”

Roman had looked at Logan expectantly, and he adjusted his glasses, clearing his throat, “Yes, it is adequate. As Patton said.”

“You mean as your best friend said,” Patton insisted with a smile and a wave of his hand, “You love me.”

“As I am incapable of feeling emotion, I would have to disagree.”

The room fell silent. Virgil and Roman exchanged a glance, and Roman threw on a bright smile, “Well! I suppose my dragon isn’t so bad.”

“Come on Patton, I’ll help you make another batch of cupcakes,” Virgil said quietly, obviously trying to disperse the situation before it got too uncomfortable.

Patton’s face fell, “You don’t love me?”

“As I said before,” Logan explained, adjusting his tie and swallowing at Patton’s change in behavior, “I don’t feel at all.”

“Yes you do.”

“I assure you, I do not.”

“Logan, don’t be like that..”

“Like what? Myself?”

“That doesn’t seem fair, I never said you shouldn’t be yourself kiddo.”

“And yet you told me to not ‘be like that’.”

“Guys,” Roman cut in firmly, nodding his head towards Virgil, who had his hood over his head and his hands stuffed out of sight.

Patton’s expression softened as he looked at Virgil, he opened his mouth to say something then stopped. He glanced between Virgil and Logan, “I’ll be right back.” And then he was gone.

Logan watched him go, an odd lump rising in his throat. Deciding to let Patton handle things on his own, he turned to Virgil, “Are you alright?”

“Peachy,” Virgil replied, voice hoarse, “Sorry, don’t like conflict.”

“Don’t apologize,” Roman tried, watching Virgil sink out as well. He turned to glare at Logan, “Don’t you think that was harsh?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You just blew Patton off! You know how much he cares about us.” Roman crossed his arms, looking not unlike a child who didn’t get their way, “You could’ve just said it back.”

Logan waited until he was gone like the other two to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh, “Why should I say something I don’t mean?” He asked the empty kitchen.

***

Logan can’t seem to get the events from earlier out of his head. After going back to his room he’d attempted to finish Thomas’ weekly schedule, only to be sidetracked by his thoughts. It was annoying, to say the least. He decided to go back downstairs, clean the mess in the kitchen if no one had gotten around to it.

Upon seeing Roman at the table, Logan almost turns around. He keeps going anyway, moving next to his extravagant counterpart. Raising an eyebrow at the paints scattered across the table, Logan clears his throat, “What are you doing?”

Roman doesn’t jump, telling Logan that he noticed his presence and didn’t comment on it, “I am making a banner for Patton.”

“Is there a special occasion?” Logan asks, raising his eyebrows.

“It’s for a movie marathon night,” Roman says like it’s obvious, “to cheer him up after the disastrous events of a few hours ago.”

“I didn’t know he was still upset.”

Rolling his eyes, Roman throws an arm around the back of his chair, twisting to look at Logan, “You hurt him Logan.”

“He said he would be right back, usually when Patton says that it means he’ll be fine.”

“Really Mr. Logic? We both know Patton tends to hide his feelings for the benefit of others.”

Logan folds his arms, looking at him matter of factly, “We spoke to him about that. He said he’d do better.”

“You said you’d try to be more considerate,” Roman shoots back with a glare, “I suppose everyone has told their white lie.”

A chip in the table suddenly becomes very interesting to Logan and he wrinkles his eyebrows, “I only pointed out that I cannot reciprocate his feelings, it isn’t by choice.”

Roman’s expression softens and he clicks his tongue sympathetically, “I think it is, Teach.” He turns back to his painting, using a small brush to draw a heart in the corner of the large banner.

Logan leaves the kitchen without another word.

***

A soft knock makes Logan look up at his door, “What is it Virgil?”

There’s a pause, “Can we talk?”

Setting his book aside, Logan stands, opening his door and waving a hand to invite Virgil in. Virgil looks around, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket, “How’d you know it was me?”

“You always knock more hesitantly than the others, almost as if you’re afraid to make too much noise.”

Virgil glares at the floor and shrugs. His eyeshadow is darker than usual, and there’s glitter dusted in his hair. Logan realizes he must have been in Patton’s room, even if it isn’t good for his health, “Is everything alright?”

“Patton won’t talk to me.”

Odd. Patton is always willing to talk, especially to Virgil when he’s in a compromised state. It’s an unspoken rule between the three of them, when the anxious side needs a distraction or someone to calm him down, they are obligated to provide it. Logan doesn’t say anything, letting Virgil continue.

“I was..” Virgil shrugs, “I was worried about him so I went to see if he was okay and he just sat there.”

“Roman has informed me that I hurt him.”

“You didn’t mean to.”

Logan looks up in surprise, “You aren’t angry with me?”

Again, Virgil shrugs, “I used to be the resident evil side remember? I know what it’s like to hurt people, especially when you don’t mean to.”

“I see.” Logan studies him for a few seconds, sometimes it hits him just how much Virgil has changed. Going from a feared, even hated, piece of Thomas to someone he has learned to respect, “What would you suggest?”

Virgil shifts awkwardly, lifting a hand to run it through his hair, “For one? Stop lying to yourself.”

“I am not one to lie Virgil.”

Sitting down on Logan’s bed, Virgil sighs, “You really don’t feel?”

“No.”

“So why do you always participate in Patton’s ‘family time’?”

“The closer we are as a unit, the more effective we are in helping Thomas,” Logan answers without pause.

“Why did you let Roman sleep in your room when he had a nightmare three nights ago?”

“If Thomas’ creativity is compromised, he does not function as well as usual. We covered this.”

Virgil seems to think of something suddenly because he sits up slightly, a glint in his eye, “Thomas. Everything you do is for him, you care about him.”

“I can see how that would be a common mistake,” Logan says with a nod, and Virgil deflates. He takes off his glasses and conjures a cloth, rubbing at the lenses, “I do everything for Thomas because he is the soul reason for my existence. It is my job, nothing more.”

Virgil’s next question loses its debating tone, taking on something more lonely and hopeless, “So you only help me with my panic attacks because it helps Thomas?”

“That is correct.”

“If they didn’t effect what Thomas does, would you stop?”

Logan freezes. He squints at Virgil until his glasses are back on his face. They spend a few minutes in silence, Virgil sinks in on himself more and more as time passes. Then Logan speaks, and he sounds surprised at himself, “No, I wouldn’t.”

Virgil looks up, and there’s an almost smile on his face, “You wouldn’t?”

“No.” Logan shakes his head and stands, “I wouldn’t,” he repeats.

“Why?”

“Because…”

“You care Logan. Admit it.”

There’s another long pause, even more uncomfortable than the one before if possible. Logan puts his hands on his hips, “Because I do care. I care about you Virgil.”

“Well okay, you don’t have to get all mushy-“

“I have to go talk to Patton. Thank you Virge,” Logan says brightly, the rare nickname falling off his tongue.

Virgil watches him go with raised eyebrows, “I helped,” he whispers to himself, astonished.

***

“Patton? May I come in?” No answer. Logan knocks again, “I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t important, Virgil-“

The door opens, and Patton sticks his head out, “Virgil? Is he okay?” There’s a hint of guilt in his voice.

“If you’re recurring to before, he isn’t vexed at you for not speaking.”

“Oh.. so you’re here for something else?”

Logan nods, “Yes. Virgil did help me.. realize something. I would like to share it with you.”

Patton stares at him for a long time, and then he sighs, opening his door wider, “What’s up kiddo?” He asks, false joy dripping from his voice.

“Well-“ Logan stops as he looks around the room, pictures litter the floor, the light seems muted. The vinyl letters spelling ‘friendship’ Roman had given him as a thank you gift for helping him on a project is half peeled off, spelling only ‘ends’ with an odd extra ‘p’. Logan shakes his head and starts over, “I believed that I had to be clinical, unfeeling, stoic, as to help Thomas to the best of my ability.”

He waits for Patton to disagree, swallowing when he doesn’t, “I was wrong.”

Patton’s eyes, half closed when Logan walked in, open wider, he blinks slowly, “You mean that?”

Logan takes one of Patton’s hands, startling both of them. Logan has never initiated physical before. Preferring words or nods, only allowing touch if it was a small gesture offered by someone else, “I’m sorry for hurting you Patton.”

“You didn’t hurt me!” Patton reassures him quickly and if Logan isn’t mistaken, the room starts to light up more, “I thought I hurt you!”

“Why would you think that?”

“I thought I overstepped.”

Logan shakes his head, squeezing Patton’s hand, “You are too hard on yourself my friend.”

Patton gasps and the photos scattered on the floor reappear on the walls, “Did you-?”

“I did,” Logan says with a nod, looking around curiously, “Because you are my friend Patton, and I lo-“ he stops and wrinkles his eyebrows when the word gets stuck in his throat.

“It’s okay Lo,” Patton says quietly, a bright smile on his face, “It takes time, and that’s okay. I’m happy to know you care.”

“As am I.” Logan doesn’t understand why it was so hard for him to admit, why it has been such a long road to travel to get where he is.

Guessing his thoughts, Patton swings their hands between them, “Everybody has to learn at some point. It’s harder for some rather than others. I mean, look at Roman! He’s happy to express how he feels, but it’s hard for him with words, he says it through grand gestures.”

Thinking of what Roman is doing in the kitchen at that moment, Logan nods. Marveling at the vinyl on the wall, returned to its normal display.

“And!” Patton continues, “It took Virgil a long time to show he cares too! Words aren’t his forte either, he usually expresses through quality time. You just have to find what works for you and go from there!”

Logan is surprised when his vision blurs slightly, “We are… I am very lucky to have you Patton.”

“Likewise, kiddo,” Patton says, voice soft and understanding, “Likewise.”


End file.
